$perform = abs($exercises); $chest = sqrt($cologne); eval($self_in_mirror); $stomach = sqrt($cologne); eval($face_closely_in_mirror); $! = sqrt($cologne); eval($self_in_mirror); chdir "/usr/local/bar" or die "You're solo tonight, baby: $!\n"; while () { seek $potential, $female, $companionship; @Available_Women = map {split ' '} @Women; TARGET: while ($Woman = pop @Available_Women) { eval($closest_female); gethostbyname($Woman); # note: women typically interpret the following as crypt($BlahBlahBlah, $whatever); PICKUP_LINE: push @Woman, $pick_up_line[$current]; if ($slapped_face) { delete $pick_up_line[$current]; next TARGET; } elsif ($rejection) { next TARGET; } else { ++$current; next PICKUP_LINE; } } connect WITH, $woman if ($she_buys_it); } return $home_alone;