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by grinder (Bishop)
on Aug 22, 2000 at 17:56 UTC ( [id://29008]=user: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

The car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel, and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides, and a dark wind blows. The government is corrupt, and we're on so many drugs, with the radio on and the curtains drawn.

Ceci n'est pas un mongueur

Mongueur is the best I could come up with for pronouncing monger in French. Recently stefp pointed out that this was the Right Thing to do, because no-one else uses the word, so it's really easy to search for our website using a reputable search engine. Nice the way these things work out.

Paris Mongers have been meeting since 1999, these days on the second Wednesday of each month. Maybe if you're heading through, you ought to get in touch with us. We held the innaugural French Perl Workshop in July 2004. The second French Perl Workshop will be held in Marseille in June 2005.

hear my hard boiled egg-heart beat
we go twisting
I spent a couple of hours renaming several sets of modules because one sentence in the documentation made no sense with their original names. --chromatic

We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death. The sun has fallen down, and the billboards are all leering, and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles.

Perl Monks Survival Guide

See also Perlmonks-specific acronyms, PerlMonks CSS Examples and Aristotle's list of similar sites.

If you're using Mozilla (and perhaps Netscape 6/7) you might want to try installing my Moz sidebar for viewing Newest Nodes. It seems to be working ok.

the Default Node (106)
GIt all starts from here. Useful for bouncing on the CB talk button.
The Monastery Gates (131)
The home page. The casual user's first view of the site. Regular users will tend to use Newest Nodes, or some custom front-end, instead.
User Settings (1072)
Here's where you can configure many different aspects of your Perlmonks experience. What goes in the element, themes, links to external stylesheets, what nodelets to display, when to wrap code...
Past Polls (1609)
If you want to check out a previous poll, here's where to go. Hint: if you have an idea for a poll, send a /msg to jcwren or Petruchio, as they seem to be the monks who most frequently add new polls. If you have leftover votes at the end of the day, you can always unload them on an old poll, it won't do much harm on the grand scale of things (but don't tell anyone else I said that).
Useragent Logs (2072)
What operating systems/browsers visit the front page? I am unsure of the timeliness of this information (when it was last updated, what period it covers), but interesting none the less. (tye tells me it is not updated in a timely fashion).
Most Visited Nodes (2519)
Clearly, some people have far too much time on their hands and spend all day in the CB
fullpage chat (3184)
One of the easiest ways to view the Chatterbox, if you need it bad. My personal recommendation is to use an off-site client that uses the CB ticker... less load on the server.
Monks by Writeup Count (3557)
A list of monks, sorted by number of nodes noded
Saints in our Book (3559)
Another take on viewing the monks with the most XP, this time showing XP and writeups.
Super Search (3989)
The search field at the top of the page just returns nodes that have the given words in their titles. This page provides a much more sophisticated way of querying the database.
Editor Requests (6345)
Petition a janitor to clean up mess, such as resubmitting and double posting a node.
Perl Monks User Search (6364)
View a monks nodes, ordered by date, or by title, or by reputation. Note that you can only see the reputation of your own nodes. My theory is that this stops you from easily seeing which nodes you have already voted on for a person; thereby making vote bombing a little harder.
Best Nodes (9066)
Highest reputation nodes ever, the last week and the last 24 hours.
Worst Nodes (9488)
Lowest reputation nodes ever, the last week and the last 24 hours. I'm not sure what is more detestable, the presence of this node, or the fact that people use it to downvote nodes that are already underwater. This usually takes the form of pissing on newbies (hmmm, in retrospect, a better example is needed here). Don't do it. If you want to spend votes here, upvote nodes that you believe don't deserve such a low rep. Leave the other ones alone.
Ignored Users (16082)
List of people you have ignored in the Chatterbox (i.e. what happens when you /ignore nick).
Recently Updated Home Nodes (16902)
Viewing this, it seems clear that most people are far too nervous about checking "This is a significant update" whenever they update their homepage. I certainly never did until I saw this page. So now you know it's here, and that maybe more people will start looking at it now they now how easy it is to get to (just remember to come here :), you should start thinking about checking that lil' checkbox.
Number of Monks by Level (17245)
If jcrwen's stats page is ever off the air, this will give you a crude analysis of the different levels and numbers of monks therein.
Perl Monk's Best Users (17468)
A list of monks, sort by XP. Sort of redundant, given Saints in our Book IMHO.
java chatterbox (18393)
Finally, a decent reason to use Java.
Level Stats (23288)
More stats, updated hourly, that give a some idea of the number of monks at each level. Just use the stats page, ok?
Nodes To Consider (28877)
For a Friar or higher, managing the monastery. Sometimes people use the consideration nodelet for sending a message to the author, instead of the CB nodelet. Don't laugh! it really happens. In this case, condider the node as an "edit", get someone else to vote edit as well, and then a janitor can quietly remove the consideration.
XP gained from getting a single node to rep of when norm is (26917)
This one's a bit of a head-scratcher. Nice table. It shows the relationship between $NORM, reputation and XP. Study it, and you will be enlightened.
Perl Monks Approved HTML tags (29281)
Nothing goes down quite as well as a node with a savant dosage of exotic HTML tags to display your missives just so. Know that some ultra-hip tags (such as <cite>) are not allowed, but the rest of them are here. Study them, and use them (wisely) in your nodes.
Message Inbox (48824)
For everyone, managing the messages you receive in the Chatterbox
Most Often Mentioned Modules (54389)
Ok, so CGI is the most often mentioned module. But what is the second-most mentioned module? DBI? File::Find? Or something else entirely?
Borg's Belly (56087)
NodeReaper will eat you if you annoy the denizens of the Chatterbox. You will wind up here.
Add Entries to vroom's Book List (61675)
When not hanging out at the monastery, a lot of monks spend their time reading books. As can be expected from the monk community, this is about as an eclectic list of books as you'll find anywhere on the web. (Not sure if those ISBN links still work though). (noted by barrd).
scratch pad viewer (108949)
For showing code fragments, especially when you have a dumb question that you want resolved by the chatterbox gang, and don't want the permanent, public ridicule that a SoPW may entail.
Yesterday's Most-Visited Nodes (276421)
Very interesting information. tye built this node as an aid in profiling what's hot (in the "overloaded" sense of the word) on the server. Interestingly enough the tickers are the most visited nodes, which is as it should be. Newest Nodes takes a pounding... why don't you find an off-site way of consulting it?
Recently Active Threads (397425)
The brainchild of demerphq, the most detailed way of looking at Newest Nodes. An excellent way of keeping track of new threads posted to old, old discussions. Use it to upvote worthy new nodes attached to conversations that disappeared off the radar long ago. There's nothing like anywhere else on the web.

/msg me if you know of other special nodes on the site.

It went like this: the buildings tumbled in on themselves, mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble and pulled out their hair. The skyline was beautiful on fire, all twisted metal stretching upwards, everything washed in a thin orange haze.

My code on Perlmonks

Code & CraftSnippets

It has often been said that, if the human species fails to make a go of it here on the Earth, some other species will take over the running. In the sense of developing intelligence this is not correct. We have or soon will have, exhausted the necessary physical prerequisites so far as this planet is concerned. With coal gone, oil gone, high-grade metallic ores gone, no species however competent can make the long climb from primitive conditions to high-level technology. This is a one-shot affair. If we fail, this planetary system fails so far as intelligence is concerned. The same will be true of other planetary systems. On each of them there will be one chance, and one chance only.

Sir Fred Hoyle, 1964

Learn the secret of Stoney Tangawizi, "It is a most inspired beverage.". If you're playing with random numbers, make sure you have a random seed. . . . Speaking of random numbers, ICQ 108142251 => I am not a number, I am a free man. [TM The Prisoner] . . . . who is number 2? . . . . Meat . . . They're made out of meat <= better link found by da. . . . . . I want to read Pragmatic Programmer, The and to tell the truth I don't see what all the fuss is about. I suppose that means I am already quite pragmatic. . . . . Code-u-like (Waiting for children to die, Rounding up to nearest power of 2, Timing out shell commands (paranoia), my $var = ''; vs. use constant VAR => '';, How do I read the files in @ARGV). . . . Rant-u-like (How do I do a natural sort, I'm Such a Lonely Monk, No excuses about not using, Rules-based Perl?, The fickleness of Reputation, Why Closures?, Why I like functional programming). . . . . Rave-u-like (Suggestions for working with poor code, references quick reference, Optimizing variable passing, Process management, Random Thoughts on Programming, Regex Misuse). . . . I got more of these but it's such a hassle typing them in. . . . . . . . . Remember kids, all your base are belong to Mr T. . . . . . . . . Sanctified circa 2001/09/22 12:00 UTC, made double saint some time around 2002/02/20. . . . triple saint around 2002/08/30-13:00 UTC. . . . . 7x 2004-11-18 12:58:03 UTC. . . . . . . . Curse the GNU folks who think info pages are better than man pages. . . . . . . There is more to lifeWin32 Perl modules than ActiveState. The best place I know of to find out where they are is to consult crazyinsomniac PodMaster's PPM repository. You'll find a good number of PPMs that he makes available, as well as a list of other public repositories. . . . .

emacs still sucks!

Version: 0.01
++S+++$X++WP+++MO+++PP n!CO+PO o+++G
A-OLC+OLCC--OLJ+Ee!Ev+Eon uL uB++uS+w

Hey! I set up a site on jcwren's perlmonk server, home of the

Perl Monks Snippets Index

Un petit d'un petit
S'étonne aux Halles
Un petit d'un petit
Ah ! Degrés te fallent

Indolent qui ne sort cesse
Indolent qui ne se mène
Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
Tout gai de Reguennes

There's this man, see, and he walks into a pharmacy/chemist/drug store1 and he asks for some deodorant.

"Ball or aerosol, sir?" asks the woman behind the counter.

"Err, no, for my armpits actually."

1. Delete whichever does not apply to your cultural context

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. Whilst in the lounge, I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac.

I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late. Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "Hello Chris" at me when I was with my client. He agreed.

Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said, "Hi Chris, what's happening?" To which I replied "Fuck off Gates, I'm in a meeting."

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
All those moments will be lost in time -- like tears in rain.
Time... to die.

A Swiss is visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Aussies just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous français?" he tries. The two continue to stare blankly. "Parlare italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes español?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy gives up an drives off.

The first Aussie turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

Version: 0.01
P++>+++$c-> P6 R++(--)M
>++O++MA+++E+>++PU >!BD
+uS+w m!

"Who cares what you think?"
President George W. Bush
July 4, 2001

Are we unique? Are we something completely and utterly special in the universe? Or are we an example of many, many civilisations that have emerged, many, many different lifeforms?

Too gentle you were wise man
And I broke your holy bell
Run, run, run...

The Sun Is Burning

The sun is burning in the sky
Strands of clouds go slowly drifting by
In the park the lazy bees
Are joining in the flowers among the trees
And the sun burns in the sky.

Now the sun is in the west
Little kids go home to take their rest
And the couples in the park
Are holding hands and waiting for the dark
And the sun is in the west.

Now the sun is sinking low
Children playing know it's time to go
High above a spot appears
A little blossom blooms and then draws near
And the sun is sinking low.

Now the sun has come to Earth
Shrouded in a mushroom cloud of death
Death comes in a blinding flash
Of hellish heat and leaves a smear of ash
And the sun has come to Earth.

Now the sun has disappeared
All is darkness, anger, pain and fear
Twisted, sightless wrecks of men
Go groping on their knees and cry in pain
And the sun has disappeared.

Ian Campbell, 1964


La mer ça n's'invente pas
et nous on crève à rester là
et le funambule beau qu'il est
marchant sur son fil
Charles il disait l'albatros
il en est mort
a marcher sur la terre
mais c'est pas fini
on va continuer
a marcher dans les airs
et les supermarchés
pour nous donner l'air
de ne pas rien faire
et pour manger
on va s'aimer encore et encore
pendant des années
j'étais là moi monsieur
sinon on sait pas trop c'qu'il faut faire
et là y a la Ginette qui valse en guinguette
qu'a toujours un verre d'avance
des fois qu'on ferme la dernière porte
faut s'enivrer quoi qu'il arrive
et puis rêver et faire la fête
c'est des musiciens sur des tréteaux
tôt ou tard ça va s'écrouler
mais leur histoire on s'en fout
Ginette continue à tourner
sur cet air de ferraille et de verres cassés
allez Ginette!...

La mer ça n's'invente pas
et nous on crève à rester là
et c'est tout.

Têtes Raides

I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful — these are truly the last days." You grabbed my hand and we fell into it like a daydream or a fever. We woke up one morning and fell a little further down — for sure it's the valley of death. I open up my wallet and it's full of blood.

Favorite nodes from QDB

And of course, the quote that didn't make it:

<Macphisto> Wanna take over the world?
<neshura> is it hard?
<Macphisto> You can have Djiboudi.
<neshura> aww but he's old
<Macphisto> Being a country - yes, I guess he is.
<neshura> practically in a nursing home
<neshura> that's not a country!
<Macphisto> Yes it is!
<neshura> show me on a map!
<Macphisto> It's in Africa.
Macphisto goes to get a map.
<grinder> I wanna be Sheik Djibouti
neshura does not see "Africa" on the Krusty Burger map
<Macphisto> grinder++
<cow> haha
neshura giggles
<cow> sheik sheik sheik
<cow> sheik sheik sheik
i lit it up with an engine,
now it's rolling for you

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