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__LANG__Monks slogans

by japhy (Canon)
on Jul 27, 2001 at 20:54 UTC ( [id://100371]=note: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

in reply to Insert Language Here Monks

The following is satire. I'll accept any downvotes, but I had a lot of fun writing this:
  • PerlMonks: There's more than one way to do it, but they're all ugly.
  • PythonMonks: There's really only one way to do it, but it'll probably throw an exception.
  • JavaMonks: There's only one way to do it, but it takes too long.
  • CMonks: There's a preferred, structured way to do it.
  • C++Monks: There's a preferred OO way to do it, and it involves rude and obnoxious overloading of bit-shift operators.
  • C#Monks: Come on... not another way to do it!
  • RubyMonks: There's more than one way to do it... but we're not Perl!
  • TclMonks: There's no way to do this. Someone please save me.
  • AwkMonks: There's half a way to do it, but you need sed to do the rest.
  • SedMonks: There's half a way to do it, and awk needs us to do the rest.
  • PHPMonks: We know there's more than one way to do it, but instead we'll spend our time slandering Perl.
  • shMonks: There's more than one program to call to do it.
  • kornMonks: There's a way to do it without Perl! Use the Korn shell! It's the path to salvation!
  • LispMonks: There's more than one way to do it (if you count all the (different) permutations (or combinations) of parentheses (the things you place around something (like this))), and we're proud (of it).
  • OmniMarkMonks: OmniMark is cheaper than Perl! Use OmniMark if you want to know what your program will do in three months! (Footnote: there is a three-month waiting period to be told what any arbitrary OmniMark program does.)
  • JavaScriptMonks: There's more than one way to snoop around the user's cookies. Too bad our syntax sucks.
  • HTMLMonks: What? HTML's not a programming language? But this web-board was written in HTML!
Thank you. /me bows

Update: More slogans! Many of these languages can be found at Cat's Eye Technologies, and many are written by Chris Pressey.

  • BrainF*ckMonks: There's probably more than one way to do it, but you will die before you finish writing it.
  • BefungeMonks: There's more than one dimension to write it in.
  • SMITHMonks: Alan Turing would kill us if he found out how we were doing it.
  • SMETNAMonks: There's more than one way to do it, especially when you use commands that don't exist.
  • MalbolgeMonks: You are going to hell no matter how you do it.

Jeff japhy Pinyan: Perl, regex, and perl hacker.
s++=END;++y(;-P)}y js++=;shajsj<++y(p-q)}?print:??;

Replies are listed 'Best First'.
Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by ChemBoy (Priest) on Jul 27, 2001 at 21:17 UTC
    • PascalMonks: there's a way to do it provided your strings are all 255 characters or less.

    And for other scientific-programming geeks...

    • FORTRAN4Monks: there's a really fast way to do it if you don't need subroutines.
    • FORTRAN77Monks: there's more than one way to do it, but only one way to type it.
    • SPLmonks: there's a proprietary way to do it.
    • JSLmonks: there's more than one way to spell it (but it still won't work in the next version).

    However, I must insist on a modification:

    • C#monks: this is how you will do it today

    If God had meant us to fly, he would *never* have given us the railroads.
        --Michael Flanders

Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by dragonchild (Archbishop) on Jul 27, 2001 at 21:30 UTC
    • asmMonks: You can do it ... if you can figure out how.
    • JAMMonks: You can't do it in any sane way.
    • SQLMonks: You can do it, but our functions have been renamed.
    • RegexMonks: I can do anything, but you can't read it.
    RegexMonks could also be: I can do anything, but so can my modem.
      RegexMonks: I can do anything...?

      Write a regex that determines if an arbitrary set of parentheses are balanced within a string. :-)


        $re = qr/(?:(?>[^()]*)|\((??{$re})\))+/; print 'I (pity (the (fool) who) dont) know (regexes)' =~ /^$re$/;
                       s aamecha.s a..a\u$&owag.print
Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by Malkavian (Friar) on Jul 27, 2001 at 21:09 UTC
    What about ADAMonks?
    There's only one way to do it, but you can vary the amount of people making it happen

Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by Masem (Monsignor) on Jul 28, 2001 at 02:24 UTC
    A few more:

    ForthMonks: "to do it" "one way" "more than" "there's"
    VisualBasicMonks: There's more than one way to do it, but if it's not point and click, it's not documented.

    Dr. Michael K. Neylon - || "You've left the lens cap of your mind on again, Pinky" - The Brain

Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by John M. Dlugosz (Monsignor) on Jul 27, 2001 at 23:29 UTC
    APLMonks: (unprintable)

    4GLMonks: There's a way to do it without any programming!

    There's got to be a good APL joke out there, but I can't think of it. I just wanted to mention APL.

    Need one for INTERCAL, too.

      APLMonks: There's a way to do it, but it's all Greek to me.
Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by suaveant (Parson) on Jul 30, 2001 at 23:27 UTC
    BasicMonks: There is a numerically ordered way to do it.
    PHBMonks: There is only my way to do it.

    Seriously, if you took the Monk off of the better known languages and touched it up, that would make a great geek t-shirt... :)

                    - Ant

Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by Desdinova (Friar) on Jul 31, 2001 at 02:06 UTC
    or for anyone who has played with ibm 360s
    JCLmonks -- there is only one way to do it and it better start in coloum 3.
Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by FoxtrotUniform (Prior) on May 21, 2002 at 19:53 UTC

    May as well throw in on an ancient discussion....

    • PrologMonks: There's more than one way to do it, and we'll backtrack until we find them all.
    • SchemeMonks: Hey, we should be listed at LispMonks. What's that? Hey! Scheme is a Lisp, too! Shut up! Shut up!
    • SmalltalkMonks: The class browser makes doing it really easy.
    • PDLMonks: There's more than one way to do it, but they all take ages to translate to real code, and never get updated.


Re: __LANG__Monks slogans
by one4k4 (Hermit) on Jul 27, 2001 at 21:01 UTC

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