Boy, you really are a piece of work! You post a sniveling whine disguised as a question (with no code, description of what you've tried, or expected output), crow about how you've deliberately kept your head in the sand about a key element of modern programming, act like Perl and the world should be arranged to your whim, and then call people rude names when they try to help you.

Quite a panoply of antisocial, immature behaviours, for which others less experienced than you would be rightly chastised.

Try this module, princess.