...Perl, of course! Here follows the Mr Sparkle commercial from the Simpsons episode In Marge We Trust, translated to Perl. I don't suggest you try running it. :)

JapaneseBusinessman->say("Oh, hello, American investor.");
JapaneseBusinessman->say("I see you are interested in distributing Mr.
+ Sparkle in you home prefecture.");
JapaneseBusinessman->say("You have chosen wisely. But please -- don't 
+believe me. Observe this commercial.");

MrSparkle->summon('from box');
MrSparkle->float('around room') while (sparkles_fly());

MrSparkle->say(sub {
    $i = disrespectful($dirt), can($you, see("that I am serious?"));
});

MrSparkle->bounce(keys %BabysXylophone);
@women = TrioOfDancingWomen->new(location => 'ocean floor');

MrSparkle->say(sub {
    out(my $way, @you), $this = not $place for @loafers;
    join('me') or die; can($you, "do any ", `less`, "?");
});

@women->say(sub {
    ($what_a) = grep { /brave/ } @corporate_logos;
    I->accept(CHALLENGE, MR_SPARKLE);
});

$women[1]->say("Awesome power!");

MrSparkle->transform(@women, SumoWrestler);

Reporter->say($two_headed_cow, sub {
    $what = y/our/plans/ for (@summer_vacation, '?');

$two_headed_cow->shatter('upon seeing', MrSparkle);

@corporate_logos->die('by being sucked into a black hole'), MrSparkle-
+>survive;
Announcer->say(sub {
    for (@lucky_best_wash) {
        use MrSparkle;
    }
});
[download]

I SEND YOU LUCKY MR SPARKLE BROCHURE, ONE HUNDRED PER CENT!

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