THE WINNER!

$thou = "romeo";  my $self = "juliet";
if ($thou, knowest($night{mask} => my $face)   ) {
} else { "maiden blush", bepaint(my $cheek)
   for (msgget $thou => "tonight"); }
fain($self, dwell => 'form') .. fain (fain ( !
  msgsnd tonight => $self, said));  undef $compliment;!
$thou->love('me')?  tell me eq 'Ay' :
  $self, take($thou => $word); 'yet' if $thou->swear -
$thou == undef;  @lovers{perjuries},
  Jove('laughs').  0, Romeo;
if ($thou->love) {
  tell $thou->love('faithfully')}

sub AUTOLOAD {}           package
romeo;                      sub
swear {"to"}                sub
love {"juliet"}              1
or die;

__END__
Juliet's monologue from Act 2, Scene 2
----------------------------------------

Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face;
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak tonight.
Fain would I dwell on form -- fain, fain deny
What I have spoken; but farewell compliment!
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay';
And I will take thy word. Yet, if thou swear'st,
Thou may prove false. At lovers' perjuries,
They say Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.
[download]

perl -pe '"I lo*`+$^X$\"$]!$/"=~m%(.*)%s;$_=$1;y^`+*^e v^#$&V"+@( NO CARRIER'

sub window {
  while ($waiting) {
    last if hark($event_ref);
  }
  if ($event_ref->{'rock'} eq 'brick') {
    sleep;
  }
}
# Hark! What rock through yonder window breaks?
# It is a brick and Juliet is out cold
[download]

If we're doing straight translations...

map { pox $_ } $montagues, $capulets;
[download]

or more elaborately

require House;
map { pox $_ }
map { House->new($_) }
    qw(Montague Capulet);
[download]

/me realizes he will now be whacked with the void context stick...

pox $_ foreach map { House->new ($_) } qw (Montague Capulet);
[download]

Update: to handle the multiple-editions problem pointed out by andye below, add

BEGIN{ *plague = \&pox;}
[download]

to the above. :-)




---

If God had meant us to fly, he would *never* have given us the railroads.
    --Michael Flanders

Very good! I'm amused. But s/pox/plague/ (sorry, I'm a pedant, I know).

Update: I've just double-checked and, interestingly, both plague and pox are right - it varies between the original sources.

Save this to a file named "act 5, scene 3," and run. If you count, Romeo dies in the 15th line of this scene.

O("Juliet!");

to('love');!

drinks;

O, apothecary => true;

for (drugs => quick) {
  kiss("I..") and die;
}

sub AUTOLOAD {unshift @last,@_;0}

print "@last" and die;
__END__
[download]

perl -pe '"I lo*`+$^X$\"$]!$/"=~m%(.*)%s;$_=$1;y^`+*^e v^#$&V"+@( NO CARRIER'

Act 2, Scene 2, Capulet's orchard.

# Juliet:
# 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
# Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
# What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
# Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
# Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
# What's in a name? that which we call a rose
# By any other name would smell as sweet;
# So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
# Retain that dear perfection which he owes
# Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
# And for that name which is no part of thee
# Take all myself.

$Juliet::enemy = \$Romeo;
$thou = $Romeo, not Montague;

$Montague ?
    @Montague::ISA =
        not (  'hand' || 'foot'
            || 'arm'  || 'face')
            ||  split //, 'a man'
    : O,
        $Romeo::name = *Other;

split //, \*Name?
    *Rose =
        @Universal::ISA{'smell'} : *Other;

if ($Romeo ne \$Romeo)
{
    $Romeo = 'dear perfection'
        or undef $Romeo::title;
}

undef $Romeo::name;

*Romeo = *Juliet;
[download]

O: $she; do {teach($torches{burn(bright)})};
$_; seems($she, hang($cheek{night}));
$ear{Ethiope} =~ /rich jewel/;
$beauty{value}++ for $use;
for ($earth) { 2*($dear) }
print grep /snowy dove/, @trooping_crows;
print (grep /lady/, @$fellows{lady}), "\n", @$fellows{lady};
END { study $place{Juliet} };
`touch hers` && bless my $rude=\$hand;
forswear($_,'sight') unless eval{my $heart->love(localtime)};
for ($i ne'er') { saw } $beauty=1 until $this_night;

sub AUTOLOAD { print <DATA>; }

__END__
O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

Romeo and Juliet, Act I, Scene V
[download]

Rewrite history. YOU decide if the boys will fight in Act 1 Scene 1, or if they will show restraint around innocents in Verona. A public place.

Corny, I know. I've been awake too long. ;)

Well here ya go. I REALLY like those T-Shirts ;).

#!/usr/bin/perl

# command line args:
# yes/no for $biteyourthumb : yes/no for $atme

$biteyourthumb = $ARGV[0] eq "yes" ? 1 : 0;
$atme = $ARGV[1] eq "yes" ? 1 : 0;
if ($biteyourthumb && $atme) {
    $benvolio = "coming";
    $come     = "come";
    quarrel($benvolio,$come) until ($benvolio eq $come);
    print "Benvolio: PART FOOLS!!!\n";
    print "\n*** Fin ***\n\n";
    print "<Abbreviated Applause>\n";
} else {
    print "Turn and RUN!!!\n";
}

sub quarrel {
    print "They fight!!!\n";
    ($_[0],$_[1]) = ("come",$_[1]) if (print "ENTER BENVOLIO\n")
}
[download]

This is an essay at <emph>Italian</emph> Perl poetry...

$Mattina =
$m'illumino / $d'immenso
__END__
Ungaretti, 1917
[download]

update: Corrected typo s|=|/| on line 2.

# about love and war - sad but true...
@war = split(/ /, 'two houses');
$lovers = join('love', $romeo, $julliet);
END { sleep $julliet && die $romeo && die $julliet }
[download]