Being somewhat unsatisfied with my last obfu, I thought I'd try to take it to the next level. Thanks to an interesting observation by fizbin, I got my last bit of inspiration.

#!/usr/bin/perl

$ *= $ ,= 42; sub'_ {$ .[$ %++ ]=$ *+=$ _[$ |] ;\& _}_( 22)->(- 20,_( 
+24),_(- 28
) )->( 12,_(- 12))->( -3,_(- 17),_(- 20));$ *=$ .=$ %=$ |;$ % ++?$ %%$
+ ^F ? ($ *
[$ *++] =$ _)&& ($ *[$ *++ ]=$ "):($ ,[$ .++ ]=$ _) && ($ ,[$ .++] =$ 
+") : ( $ *
[$ *++] =$ _)&& ($ *[$ *++ ]=$ ")&&($ ,[$ .++]=$ ")for( split// ,join'
+' ,map { s
<(-*\d+)(?{ pack 'c' ,$ ,+=$ _})><$^R> &&$ _}@ .);$ *[++$ *] =$ /;$ %=
+$ |; map {
print $ _^ ${ $ * }[ $ %++ ]}$ * > $ .?($ * = \ @ , )&& @ * :($ * = \ 
+@ *) && @,
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I guess I'm still not 100% satisfied with it yet, so apologies in advance if you see more versions of this...

$,=42;for(34,0,-3,9,-11,11,-17,7,-5){$*.=pack'c'=>$,+=$_}for(reverse s
+plit//=>$*
){$%++?$ %%2?push@C,$_,$":push@c,$_,$":(push@C,$_,$")&&push@c,$"}$C[$#
+C]=$/;($#C
>$#c)?($ c=\@C)&&($ C=\@c):($ c=\@c)&&($C=\@C);$%=$|;for(@$c){print$_^
+$$C[$%++]}
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