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Re: How do I get my teenager interested in software development?

by gloryhack (Deacon)
on Aug 24, 2006 at 23:38 UTC ( [id://569479]=note: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??


in reply to How do I get my teenager interested in software development?

It doesn't matter one whit what the boy could "be great at". A young man looking out toward the horizon and plotting the course of his life should be seeking inspiration, not proficiency. (And if he's not even looking, then he should just be booted out into the big mean world and none of the rest of what I'm about to say matters.)

The decisions your stepson makes today are almost certain to be revisited right around the time the kid reaches the end of his fourth decade of life, and at that point those grandchildren that you haven't even thought of yet are going to be affected -- in what way and to what degree depends upon the correctness of today's decisions. Since you don't live behind the boy's eyes, and will never be privy to his secret thoughts and feelings, the best thing you can do today is to help him to seek his joy. Help him search but don't tell him whether or not he's found anything. He'll know it when it happens.

"... staying on top of his progress this time, and making sure he understands each week's work" is probably not an effective or even applicable solution to any problems he's having. If at the age of 18 he lacks responsibility enough to ask questions when he doesn't understand something, or lacks perseverence enough to stay with a task until it's done, babying him will do far more harm than good. If he won't ask for help when he needs it, or would rather run away from a problem than solve it, he should fail now while the cost is still low. Failure teaches us far more than success can. The longer you put off that lesson, the more it will cost.

FWIW: In about eight more years I'll be helping a young man make that same transition to responsible adulthood -- but this time around it'll be my oldest grandson. :-)

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Re^2: How do I get my teenager interested in software development?
by talexb (Chancellor) on Aug 25, 2006 at 01:48 UTC
      It doesn't matter one whit what the boy could "be great at". A young man looking out toward the horizon and plotting the course of his life should be seeking inspiration, not proficiency. (And if he's not even looking, then he should just be booted out into the big mean world and none of the rest of what I'm about to say matters.)

    I just came back from having a beer with a good friend, and one thing I said stuck out -- all of the respondents to this post are working with incomplete information -- they don't know my step-son as I have come to know him over the last six or so years. In point of fact, even *I'm* working with incomplete information -- I don't know what the best answer is for this future, all I can do is make a really good educated guess.

      If at the age of 18 he lacks responsibility enough to ask questions when he doesn't understand something, or lacks perseverence enough to stay with a task until it's done, babying him will do far more harm than good.

    Again, if you knew my step-son, you might re-consider your answer. I'm trying to teach him to explore all possible angles, to try lots of different approaches. That's not specifically about solving algebra, calculus or eevn programming problems .. it's about problem solving in general. He's bright, very bright, but he's not street-smart. Sometimes you have to make a decision with less than perfect information, because you just about never have perfect information. One of my measures of succes in life is how you react when things start to go bad. Is there a panic, or is there a reassesment of possibilities, followed by decisive action?

    Thanks for your feedback.

    Alex / talexb / Toronto

    "Groklaw is the open-source mentality applied to legal research" ~ Linus Torvalds

      First, please understand that I'm not trying to tell you how to fulfill your role in the boy's life. I'm a father, stepfather, and grandfather myself, so I understand the position you're in to at least some degree, and I commend you for taking an active role in helping him to get a good start in his adult life. I also know, as you surely must, that it's nearly impossible to be objective about a situation so close as yours is to you, and I hope to be able to help you in some small way in your difficult situation, one father to another, to find some objectivity.

      Among the mass of incomplete information there is one datum that is clearly known and immutable: the world the boy should be preparing to step into is not going to take the time to get to know him before it decides, often arbitrarily, to deal him blows. There's no question about whether or not life is going to take whacks at him; the only question is whether or not he's going to have the wherewithal to withstand them. If a young man is on a course of his own choosing because he feels inspired by it, the world can whack at him all day and all night, and he'll stay on that course. If, on the other hand, he's just doing what his parents want him to do, a light breeze will knock him down and keep him down. It's up to you to decide whether you're going to steer him or just show him the stars to navigate by and leave it to him to choose his course. It's pretty obvious which of those two options has the greater likelihood of success.

      In your own experience, as I understand it from what you've written here, you found programming uninspiring despite your father's best efforts and wishes that you take it up. You became inspired by it only after your peers took it up, and have since made a career of it. I'd think that knowledge of your own behavior would come in handy now that you're in the parental role.

      If you've got the support of your wife and she agrees with you that the child should not spend the next few years just lounging around the house, the solution is as easy to define as it is difficult to implement. "Kid, 120 days after you finish high school, this house will no longer be your home. If you choose to become educated in the field of your own choice, we'll foot the bill for your education. Otherwise, you're on your own just like every other non-feeble adult on the continent." It might sound harsh, and maybe it is, but it didn't kill me to make that decision when my parents gave me essentially those options. I didn't take the easy way and go to school on their nickel, but I still managed without any help at all to become an electrical engineer and later a programmer. And a grandpa, too.

      One of the ways you measure success in life seems really very strange to me. Decisiveness is popularly being accorded much more value than it deserves. Every idiot who's been injured jumping with a rented bungee cord made the decision to jump based upon incomplete information and then acted decisively. Myself, if I'm not comfortable with the quality of the information before me and the negative consequence of delaying the decision is less onerous than that of making the wrong decision, I'll seek to improve the quality of the information available to me. The successful gambler is the one who folds his hands often because he knows that the money already on the table cannot be protected.

      I wish you the best of luck, and more importantly, patience and wisdom, in your relationship with your stepson.

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