To be honest, I think it's the cool "we'll encrypt it for you" aspect that draws me to looking into this.

Way cooler would be "we'll encrypt that for you and as an additional candy, you get secure mail." :-)

Just use existing tools for standard tasks...

_($_=" "x(1<<5)."?\n".q·/)Oo.  G°\        /
                              /\_¯/(q    /
----------------------------  \__(m.====·.(_("always off the crowd"))."·
");sub _{s./.($e="'Itrs `mnsgdq Gdbj O`qkdq")=~y/"-y/#-z/;$e.e && print}