This is not a plea for myself, rather it is meant as an amalgam of that certain breed of help request that I see here from time to time on PerlMonks.
use Greeting::Excessivly_Reverent qw(kowtow);
use Ego::Massaging qw(salutation flattery);
use Closing::Obsequious;
my $self = Convert("devoted");
my @greetings = reverent(
$PERLMONKS->isa("haven"),
$PERLMONKS->isa("green field"),
$PERLMONKS->isa("helpful friend"));
my %problem = {
homework => "is hard",
effort => "is minimal",
asking => "is easier" };
my %thoughts = {
everyone => "will pity me",
someone => "will help me",
PerlMonks => "will save me"};
despair() for (my $hopes (@are_dashed,
"how is it",
"anyone could know",
"reversing a string",
"is homework"));
my ($deadline, $looms);
rage() while (time_passes() and hopes_fade() and the_reaper_cometh());
Updated: syntax, spelling, etc.