[Pp]erl is *NOT* ...

1. good for writing OSen (unless you have access to a computer)
2. a route to fame (outside the Monastery &Co.) and fortune
3. PERL
4. yet debauched in a proprietary version from _____ (pick a villain)
5. a tool for putting the toothpaste back in the tube
6. to be mixed with Single Malt scotch (in a glass, that is)
7. able to prevent religious wars over editors
8. an appropriate addition to Oyster stew
9. overburdened with good buzz

Perhaps this needs a "kicker" IMO; a final choice that's (even more) utterly outlandish....