I want a Perl API to myself.

SYNOPSIS

  use Me;

  my $my = new Me;

  foreach ($my->friends) {
      # NOTREACHED
  }

  die if ($my->time());
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Would multiple new Me's run in separate threads? It could bring a whole new meaning to zombie processes.

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Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting. — emc

There's a native API. Use that.

I've tried, but the interface is too bloody complicated, and gives completely unpredictable results :(

*Yes, I know the issues with indirect method call syntax... but sometimes it's just more fun! Besides, if I had a car smart enough to park itself, I'd want it to understand spoken commands as well!

And for those English speakers who don't speak Perl they can always

"shout"

park $car in => 'garage'

I'll second that, but I'm wondering if it wouldn't be more productive to put them in an infinite loop so they don't bother you during the day.

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Revolution. Today, 3 O'Clock. Meet behind the monkey bars.

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

Even the power of Perl couldn't win a game for the Detroit Lions...

--
Nothing to see here. Move along.

Yeah, but it could help with the point spread. :-)

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I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth Remember How Lucky You Are

You're outed! Couldn't hack it in basketball, so you're moving sports! Zen-tar-a, Don-a-ghy, both 3 syllables. Clever, but not clever enough... :)

Pro sports have evolved from sport, to entertainment... so now it is Show-Biz. Someone has to write the scripts, why not me?

( BTW, I already control the black helicopters... they are mini-ufos, designed to look like copters, so the dumba*s humans think they are from their own planet) :-)

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I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth Remember How Lucky You Are

From the bank's viewpoint it's easy ;-)

while(1) {
    $account_balance-- unless($account_owner eq 'CEO');
}
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Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting. — emc

The voices in my head.

...the neighbourhood zombies, and create new ones too!

my $z1=new Zombies::Zombie;
$z1->zombify($person);
for (my $i=0; $i<10; $i++)
{
 $z1->lurch(50); # move 50 metres
 my $v=new Zombies::Victim; # Create new victim object
 $v->locate(); # Find victim
 $z1->select($v); # Select victim
 $z1->eat('Braaaaaaaiiiins');
}
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...etcetera.

I've found that terriers -- except the exceedingly frou-frou Yorkies-- are really quite good at keeping yards free of cats. Border collies, however, will herd them.

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Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting. — emc

The Television

My BlackBerry. Actually, I don't want a Perl API to control the BlackBerry, I just want a Perl interpreter on my BlackBerry. What's this Jave ME junk?

My physiology.

$heart_rate += 20; # who needs caffeine?
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everything.

I'd do anything for a mute button, a pause button, a fast forward, a rewind, a record and delete button

Not to mention "learn". If I had a remote I could point at say a train and have it "learn" its horn blow, imagine the time I'd save on the freeway...

:-D

1. My dreams
2. My mobile phone

My @#$%@#$% cell phone!

How many times have you had this experience:

I'm using my cell phone, and I want to do X. I realize that I have to do V and W first, even though there is no technical need to to V and W, so I start thinking about how I would make my phone work right, until I remember I'm thinking about my cell phone and I'm stuck with it.

But you can: http://opensource.nokia.com/projects/symbian-perl/index.html

My car. Da** thing should learn how to come when it's called.

my $mood = "sh**ty";
global $MOOD = "sympathetic";

or

my $mood = "great!";
global $spouse_MOOD = bitchSwitch(OFF);

or

my $mood = "football";
global $mood = "sportsmania" | "quietly play in yard";

of course we would want some security on this system as the deleteAll() could have some less than desirable results.

If you've ever written Netcool probe rules files you'll know what I mean. If you haven't be glad of your ignorance.

Or potential employers.

CowboyNeal