• chomp() => nuzzle()
• chop() => shop()
• sort() => neat()
• use => commit
• do => makelove
• import => (no-op, it's the default)
• bind => ring
• socket => XXXXXXX # censored...
• connect => # no change, it perfect
• truncate() => spring_clean()
• split() => willbeback()
• dump() => letsbefriends()
• pack() => luggage()
• unpack() => three_days() # oo that one might be bitterness talking.
• no => NO
• package() => wrap()
• require() => longing()
• length() => XXXXXXXX() # censored...
• study() => stalk() # it never helps...
• each() => together()
• getppid() => rabbittest() #ewww
• pipe() => thingy()
• wait() => hurry()
• return() => comeback()
• formline() => slimming()

Other notes: If getpeername returns "bitch", accept() and listen() will both fail. Also, log() and sin() can't be used together. our() and my() both mean my().

The "Threads" keyword for commit has been changed to "Outfits". lock() becomes snap() when perl is compiled for "Outfits".

If I'm going to hell for this, at least I'm in good company.

--
$you = new YOU;
honk() if $you->love(perl)