create function saints_in_our_book() 
returns table (
    rank      integer
  , userid    integer
  , username  text
  , xp        integer
  , userlevel text
  , writeups  integer
  , usersince timestamp
  , lasthere  text
) language plperlu
as
$plp$
   use strict;
   use warnings;
   use LWP::Simple;
   use IO::String;
   my $url = "http://perlmonks.org/?node_id=3559";
   my $io = IO::String->new(get($url));
   while ( <$io> ) {
      chomp;
      if(m,
            ^
               <tr(?:[ ]class="highlight")?>
                  <td[ ]align="right">([0-9]+)</td>                  # rank
                  <td>
                      <span[ ]class="user-([0-9]+)">                 # userid
                          <a[ ]href="[?]node_id=[0-9]+">
                                                         ([^<]+)     # username
                          </a>
                      </span>
                  </td>
                  <td[ ]align="right">([0-9]+)</td>                  # xp
                  <td>([a-zA-Z]+\s+\([0-9]+\))</td>                  # userlevel
                  <td[ ]align="right">
                     <a[ ]href="[?]node_id=6364;usersearch=[^"]+">
                                                           ([0-9]+)  # writeups
                     </a>
                  </td>
                  <td[ ]align="right">([^<]+)</td>                   # usersince
                  <td[ ]align="right">([^<]+)</td>                   # lasthere
                  </tr>
            $
         ,x
      )
      {
         return_next ( {
                 rank      => $1
               , userid    => $2
               , username  => $3
               , xp        => $4
               , userlevel => $5
               , writeups  => $6
               , usersince => $7
               , lasthere  => $8
         } );
      }
   }
   return undef;
$plp$;