old testament:    s/i/i/g;
new testament:    s/$cheek[0]/$cheek[1]/g;
arch diocese:     s/altar b(oy)/sex t$1/g && !claim_responsibility();
nirvana:          !~ /^.*$/s;
karma:            s/goes(_around)/comes$1/g;
amish:            s/newfangled stuff//g;
athiest:          s/^(.*)$/$1/s;
microsoft:        s/^(.*)$/\$/s;
the 1 true faith: s/vi/emacs/g;