switch ($machine_name) { 
    # master LDAP server:
    case 'einstein':
        &alert_management();
    # LDAP replicas
    case 'joule':
    case 'boltzman':
    case 'hawking':
        &alert_ldap_sysadmin();
    # the mail systems.  (that authenticate off of LDAP)
    case 'feynman':
    case 'faraday';
    case 'curie':
    case 'newton':
        &alert_mail_sysadmin();
    # helpdesk gets notified of everything not development
    default:
        &alert_helpdesk();
    # development servers:
    case 'teller':
    case 'penn':
    case 'houdini':
    case 'copperfield':
        &log();
}