my @T = lolcatime(time);

##</code><code>##

package lolcatime;
require Exporter;
our @ISA    = qw(Exporter);
our @EXPORT = qw(lolcatime localtime);
*localtime  = \&lolcatime;
sub lolcatime {
  my $foo;
  return wantarray
  ? CORE::localtime(shift||time)
  : uc((($foo=scalar(CORE::localtime(shift||time)))=~s/:(\d+) / /)
    && "$foo - i can haz ur $1 seconz?");
}
1;

##</code><code>##

perl -Mlolcatime -le 'print scalar lolcatime time'
TUE JAN  6 03:41 2009 - I CAN HAZ UR 31 SECONZ?