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#!usr/bin/perl

...
sub past {my $v = shift(); return ($v =~/^(.*)y/) ?$1.'ied' : $v .(($v
+ =~/e$/) ? "d":"ed");} # even dodgier!

 There once was a lady from york,
 who amassed an unpleasantness with a stork,
 she reestablished a hull,
 and imperiled a cull,
 that barometric lady from york.