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#!/usr/bin/perl -w
use strict;
...
"Crap," says Travis.
This is horse poo. Poo, I tell you!
"Poo upon all the crud and crap the wanker could see."

"fool!" said I.
"dung," says Travis.
This is horse dung. dung, I tell you!
"dung upon all the dirt and dung the fool could see."