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$report = (sort{-M $a <=> -M $b}<*>)[0];

$report = (
  map { $_->[1] } sort { $a->[0] <=> $b->[0] }
     map { [-M $_, $_] } <*>)[0]
);

$report = do {
    local *D;
...
    closedir(D);
    $ret;
} ;

Benchmark: timing 1000 iterations of do, golf, st...
        do:  8 wallclock secs ( 4.00 usr +  4.21 sys =  8.21 CPU) @ 12
+1.80/s (n=1000)
...
golf 13.7/s   -- -55% -89%
st   30.3/s 122%   -- -75%
do    122/s 792% 302%   --