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#!/usr/bin/perl
...
     'Name6' => ' v_print2( 1, \'"Holy Crap = $holy_crap\n"\' ); ',
     'Name7' => ' if ( $volume >= $verbosity ) { v_print3( "Holy Crap 
+ $holy_crap\n" ) }; ',
});

sub v_print0 {
    my $volume  = shift;
...
    my $message = shift;
    print $message;
}

Benchmark: timing 10000000 iterations of Name1, Name2, Name3, Name4, N
+ame5, Name6, Name7...
     Name1: 12 wallclock secs (11.24 usr +  0.01 sys = 11.25 CPU) @ 88
+8888.89/s (n=10000000)
...
     Name5: 11 wallclock secs (11.26 usr +  0.00 sys = 11.26 CPU) @ 88
+8099.47/s (n=10000000)
     Name6: 12 wallclock secs (11.00 usr +  0.01 sys = 11.01 CPU) @ 90
+8265.21/s (n=10000000)
     Name7:  1 wallclock secs ( 1.24 usr +  0.00 sys =  1.24 CPU) @ 80
+64516.13/s (n=10000000)