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my %dispatch = (
  'SALES         ' => \&do_sales_stuff,
  'GROSS PROFIT $' => \&do_gpdollar_stuff,
...
  next if $salesperson = discard_header_or_get_new_salesperson($_);
  ($dispatch{$rowid} || \&unhandled stuff)->(\$data{$salesperson}, $_)
+;
}

@_=qw;
Just another Perl hacker,;
;$_=q=print
"@_"= and eval;