I can't install extra modules because reasons.

:) you can always copy/paste wisdom from extra modules

obligatory :) Yes, even you can use CPAN, Top 11 (GOOD) reasons not to use someone else's Modules, Top Seven (Bad) Reasons Not To Use Modules, Surreptitiously adding modules to GoDaddy basic Linux account?, http://www.cavapackager.com/...Installing modules without root and shell