This is clever. I like it.

So we'd end up with something inconvenient like

sub invoke_static {
    my ($class, $method, @args) = @_;
    no strict 'refs';
    # I'd like to only localize *{$class}{IO},
    # but we can't have everything, right?
    local *{$class};
    $class->$method(@args);
}
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or something insane like

sub safe_from_evil_filehandles(&) {
    my ($cb) = @_;
    my @evil_globs;
    ... # walk through %:: and list all globs
        # where *{$entry}{IO} is defined
        # unless they're OK like "STDOUT"
    my $localizer; $localizer = sub {
        return $cb->() unless @evil_globs;
        local *{shift @evil_globs};
        return $localizer->();
    };
    return $localizer->();
}
[download]

This works. Good job.