I'm tempted just to link to Re^2: manipulating a data table.

Why? Why this ammount of pure pain?

• Scary operating system that you don't want to run a server on - CHECK
• Emulating a completely different operating system family - CHECK
• ... in user space - CHECK
• Using two languages with probably the most opposite philosopies (TIMTOWTDI vs. TOOWTDI) in the same program - CHECK
• ... when both support the common gateway interface (CGI) out of the box(1) - CHECK
• Using the slowest possible interface (CGI) to the webserver - CHECK
• ... despite both languages and most common webservers supporting FastCGI(2) - CHECK
• ... despite both languages supporting integration into the webserver (mod_perl, mod_python) - CHECK

What is wrong with you?

Among collegues, I would ask if your domina has become too weak ...

Alexander

(1) Perl did so, for a long time. In very recent versions, you have to install CGI via CPAN.

(2) FastCGI: See also Re: CGI or CGI::Fast, Re^9: mod_perl, and weird caching