Hey, I just updated my post above with the issue. It turns out matching the ./Configure flags to the system Perl was indeed the solution. The problem was that I was improperly testing the new build with a script that was pointing to an older, faulty build of Perl. Pointing the script to the new build with all of the ./Configure flags properly done corrected all of the issues.

Also, I appreciate the sympathy for lack of Internet. Lots of people simply reply "That's a dumb solution, why aren't you doing this and this instead" without taking into consideration the limitations that the programmer is forced to deal with as part of the job.