You should really take a look at Perl 6: it enables you to build your own infix max operator in just a couple of code lines (see for example Moritz's tutorial on the subject: http://perlgeek.de/en/article/5-to-6#post_13). So that you could have something like:

if ($c max $d > 5) {
    # ...
}
[download]

Oh, but I forgot, you absolutely (and unreasonably IMHO) hate Perl 6, too bad for you, or maybe you should reconsider your opinion on the subject.

And, BTW, NO, I did not downvote your post. If anyone did, it's not me.