in reply to Printer Spewing Reams of Garbage

Just because the culprit is using Perl to talk to your printer doesn't mean that this is a Perl problem.

  1. Stop allowing port 9100 through the firewall (or install a firewall if you don't have one).
  2. Trace the IP to the source.

Since you are a self-proclaimed "script kiddie", you might need to hire an expert to help with one or both of those.