I had a little time.. syntax is off, and it'll never compile, but then again, it was fun to write!!

{
    $career="football";
    $team="USC";
    if ($year="1968")
    {$trophy="Heisman";}
    $team="49ers";
    if ($year="1973")
    {@record=qw ( MVP 11236yards ); }
    for (1..5)
    {
    $AllPro+=1;
    }
    $career="retire";
    $career="analyst";
    for ($year ;$year<1994 ;$year++ )
    {
    push (@consumers, gloves);
    push (@consumers, shoes);
    }
    if ($year="1994")
    {
    @HitList=qw (Nicole_Simpson Ronald_Goldman);
    while ($Killing="inprogress")
    {
        %Evidence = (
             Shoes => "Blood",
             Bronco => "Blood",
             Gloves => "Blood",
             );
    }
    for ($escape, $escape<"airport", $escape++)
    {
        $speed="slow";
    }
    $career="inmate";
    $plead = "Absolutely, positively, 100% not guilty";
    while ($case)
    {
        $JuryEvidence=$Evidence{Shoes} + $MagazinePicture;
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence + $Evidence{Bronco};
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence + $Evidence{Gloves};
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence + $DNA;
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence + $Motive + $History + $Smug;
    
        $Attorney="Johnny Cochrane";
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence - $Racism;
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence - $PlantedBlood;
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence - ($DNA * Astronomical_Odds);
        $JuryEvidence=$JuryEvidence - $RedHerring;
        if ($JuryEvidence<=$ReasonableDoubt)
        {
        $Verdict="notguilty";
        }
    }
    foreach $Host(@Talkshow)
    {
        printf "$plead \t $verdict \n";
    }
    }
    $career="golfer";
    exit;
}
[download]

.plan >> /dev/null