I can only beg the forgivness of you and other readers of my post for my late night levity sent in a moment of weakness sparked by the freak combination of St. Valentines day, my mother visiting from California and ribbing from the chatterbox for being chicken.

First off, I must confess to being a complete moron when it comes to Oracle's Java stored procedures, being as I tend to avoid being locked into one vendors world when it comes to database design. It seems to me that your question in many ways answers itself. It don't do dat.

DBI isn't a module designed for vendor specific database features. It's to give programmers an interface to standard SQL features across vendors. So, what do you do when the free stuff that people wrote doesn't do what you need it to do?

• Is there a hack around it? Hacks that come to mind off the top of my head include:
  • One of them there XML standards thingies (like soap). They're built for cross language problems like this.
  • A magic cookie kind of approach where Java writes a flat file that Perl reads (oooo then you can use DBI::CSV).
  • Calling Java from Perl. Not something that I know anything about being that I don't like my peas mixing in with my mashed potatoes, but wasn't Larry doing something with this?
• What can I do to help? This is Perl. Get involved. If something doesn't exist out there in the CPAN write it. Find out who's working on this problem and say Hey, I see that this doesn't seem to do that. Is there anything that I can do?
• Do I need to get out my wallet? Yes, Perl is free, but there are just times when the only thing that a problem wants to see is cold, hard $$$$, especially around a convoluted monster like Oracle. If free resources like usenet and this site don't help and you are stuck and you HAVE to solve this problem, comeon now, whip out that wallet.

One question that I ask myself when dealing with problems that are on the edge and seem to stump people that I respect is Am I trying to hard? Is there a simpler way to do this problem? In your case it would be Do I really need a Java stored procedure?

Computers are donks Vladb. There's always a way to get them to do something. You just need to play with them and not get yourself trapped in the boxes that they like to create.

I consider you blessed Vladb. I have yet to come across a general problem that I need solved that someone else hasn't already written a module for in Perl. In fact there have been several times when I have written things only to discover that there's a module out there that already does it a hundred times better. The fact that it doesn't do what you want is your chance to shine! Your chance to step up to the plate and win one for the Gipper! (Oops... mixing baseball and football there) Get out there soldier and show em what you got. I know you can do it my boy, after all, you're a Perl Monk, damnit.

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