Here's the deal, BUU.
Watching you in the CB and reading your nodes is like watching a new gun owner holding his shiny new pistol, ready and loaded, by the barrel, waving his arms in big circles and shouting out, trying to call attention to yourself.
This doesn't even begin to address the problems in the script you wrote, which is not a cool use for perl at all but a poor and dangerous use for perl. Every person who saw your code made a judgement, and I doubt any of them were positive. When two (out of the many regular posters) took the time to patiently explain to you why your code had issues, the best you could do was to grunt out a snide, childish response. Bravo, BUU, bravo. Rather than taking the advice as the true constructive criticism it was, you've decided to pule at me, and try to make me seem like a bad person for trying to help you.
If you can't recognize the fact that I was trying to help you, by patiently explaining the crude defects in your code, if you still wonder "Why am I king of worst nodes? Why are my glib, rude responses to any topic (whether or not I have any clue as to what's going on) garnering so many downvotes? Why don't people want to help me after I confess a lack of research or googling?" you can bookmark this node and refer to it time and time again.
And if you can't take the clue, at least take the hint.

Update :
One (1) kudo to Petruchio for a two small suggestions

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