More of a question than ans answer but...wouldn't the -X functions (operators?) do (most of?) the testing you need?

From perlfunc "-X":

    -f  File is a plain file.
    -d  File is a directory.
    -l  File is a symbolic link.
    -p  File is a named pipe (FIFO), or Filehandle is a pipe.
    -S  File is a socket.
    -b  File is a block special file.
    -c  File is a character special file.
    -t  Filehandle is opened to a tty.
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Otherwise, if this is on a Win32 system - Win32API::GetDriveType and/or Win32::GetFiletype maybe what you need.