I must admit that i am no perl programmer, (in fact i havn't got a clue), but i understand from a friend that this should be pretty easy to do.

Take a look at Webmin.

This systems administration interface could be a life saver for you. Check out the "System and Server Status" section, you should be able to set up a server "watch" pretty easily. The only hurdle would be setting this up, but there is a very nice setup script to help you. And, it is written in Perl! :-)

Update: grrr, I just saw your update for no mods. :( Ask your sysadmin to install webmin, and give you access to it so that you can set up a watch. TMTOWTDI.

--
hiseldl
"Act better than you feel" --inner prophet