Cute. I upvoted just for the use of "punitive" and "pun" together.

One suggestion:

  while($punitive_cnt != 0){
      print FILEHANDLE "$Sorry_line \n";
      $punitive_cnt--;
      };
[download]

might be better expressed as

print FILEHANDLE "$Sorry_line \n" for (1..$punitive_cnt);
[download]

-sauoq
"My two cents aren't worth a dime.";