Note how the closure for FAQ has to do argument assignment?

Actually, I do not. I see that the closure is doing argument assignment, but I don't think it's needed. What's wrong with:

    CONTACT => sub {("HQ", undef)},
    FAQ     => sub {(undef, $_ [2] eq 'Service' ? $_ [3] : $_ [4])},
    ...
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Abigail