Purists would probably say this should have been written in Python, and that it's not even poetry. Well, I don't know Python, and it could marginaly pass as prose, so I thought I'd give it a stab in my favorite language instead. Blame it on my fascination with BBC programming and being exposed to "The Holy Grail" a few too many times...

#!/usr/bin/perl

@your = {%mother, %father};
$mother{"species"} = "hamster";
$father{"smell"} = "elderberries";

[download]


Acolyte

Replies are listed 'Best First'.
Re: Taunt
by nothingmuch (Priest) on Nov 18, 2002 at 16:13 UTC 
    #!/usr/bin/perl

package Quest;

sub new {
    bless { type => "seek grail", who => "arthur and his knights" };
}

sub go_at_it {
    goto CASTLE;
    CASTLE: my $obstacle = new French (accent => "outrageous");
    $obstacle->greet("Hello");
    $obstacle->confess("I am King Arthur");
    $obstacle->offer("join our quest") if $obstacle->request("shelter"
+);
    $obstacle->open(CASTLE) && seek($obstacle->{master}{grail});
    $obstacle->query("why",&Scalar::Util:blessed($obstacle),"in englan
+d?");
    if ($! =~ /cow/){ die "Run away!" };
}

sub MYOB {
    threaten(caller());
}

package French;

sub new {
    my $pkg = shift;
    bless { @_ }, $pkg;
}

sub greet {
   return "'Allo.  Whoo is eet?";
}

sub confess {
    my $self = shift;
    $self->{master} = "Guy de Loimbard";
    return $self->{master};
}

sub offer {
    my $grail = new Acme::Pretence::Grail;
    tell $others, { $self->tell(caller(),$self->{master}{grail} == 1) 
+};
    return "He's already got one, you see?";
}

sub open {
    if caller() eq 'english' return caller() = 'pig';
}

sub query {
    caller()->MYOB();
}

sub threaten {
   caller != frightening && caller == pig-dog; # must make bigint type
+ thing to substact dogs from pigs and stuff
   close(caller()->{socket}), delete(caller()->{head});
   kill FART => caller()->pid();
   goto &Acolyte::Taunt;
}

    [download]


    Update: Dyslexia strikes again. nights were made knights.

    -nuffin
    zz zZ Z Z #!perl
[reply]
[d/l]
      You missed out:
      if (caller() eq 'english'){ &fart; }

sub fart{
$direction = "general";
$kernigits = "silly"
}

      [download]
[reply]
[d/l]
      You know, I was contemplating tackling the whole scene, but you beat me too it. Excellent job!

      Acolyte
      Studying at the feet of the masters
[reply]
from a different scene:
by fredopalus (Friar) on Nov 23, 2002 at 14:54 UTC
    It's only a flesh wound! 
    if ($attacker eq "King Arthur"){
$knight{"wound"} = "flesh";
}

    [download]

    Update: fixed syntactical error
[reply]
[d/l]
Re: Taunt
by pfm (Scribe) on Nov 18, 2002 at 09:24 UTC
    "Spam, spam, spam, eggs and spam"!

    I like your creation. And your mother is...

    Regards
    pfm
[reply]

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