For advertising in corporate environments, I'd put in the following: success stories (very important!), Perl's RAD capabilities, secure programming facilities (tainting - an approach unique to Perl as far as I can tell), and the CPAN. Things like regular expressions, hashes, and other language features are nice, but will not impress suits. Given these constraints, davorg's quotation from the 5.8 press release sounds closest to what you want.
How do you guys feel when people say it's the duct tape of programming languages? I don't completely agree with that because every perl script that I've wrote so far had nothing to do with another language. They are all their own little program.
Being duct tape is one of the things Perl excels at. It isn't the only one, and people (like you) can use it for entirely different strengths without ever gluing anything together using Perl. Like the Swiss army chainsaw metaphor implies, Perl is useful for a huge range of different things.