This is nice - but wouldn't it be better to personalize it more? You could take phrases from previous loving emails exchanged by the couple.. or phrases from love letters from others.. or just quote Smoove B.

#! /usr/bin/perl -w


use LWP::UserAgent;
use Carp;
use Mail::Sendmail;

use strict;

my $mood = shift || 'smoove';

# you
my $self = 'Monk';
my $email = 'monk@monastery';

# her
my $chicks_name = 'Chick';
my $her_email   = 'chick@hermail.com';

my @subjects = (
"hey babe...",
"a short message from your lover...",
"just wanted to say hi...",
"oh I love you...",
                );
my $ua = LWP::UserAgent->new();
$ua->agent("MySmooveB/0.1 ");

my @doghouse = ( 'http://www.theonion.com/onion3120/pick_up_phone_3120
+.html',
                 'http://www.theonion.com/onion3107/baby_please_3107.h
+tml',
                 'http://www.theonion.com/onion3402/he_is_no_good_3402
+.html');

my @smoove = (
               'http://www.theonion.com/onion3102/treat_u_right_3102.h
+tml',
               'http://www.theonion.com/onion3114/think_of_you_3114.ht
+ml',
               'http://www.theonion.com/onion3202/bringiton.html',
               'http://www.theonion.com/onion3213/let_us_freak_3213.ht
+ml',
               'http://www.theonion.com/onion3313/get_smooved_3313.htm
+l'
               );
my @text;

if ($mood =~ /d/) {
    # you're in the doghouse
    foreach my $x (@doghouse) {
        my $req = HTTP::Request->new(GET => "$x");
        my $retval = $ua->request($req)->as_string;
        push (@text, split(/\<p\>/, $retval));
    }
} else {
    # default, is smoove
    foreach my $x (@smoove) {
        my $req = HTTP::Request->new(GET => "$x");
        my $retval = $ua->request($req)->as_string;
        push (@text, split(/\<p\>/, $retval));
    }
}
my @smoove_text;
foreach my $t (@text) {
    next if ($t =~ m/(img src|script|\{|\})/);
    next if ($t eq "");
    $t =~ s/\&quot\;/ /g;
    $t =~ s/\<(\/)?i\>/ /g;
    $t =~ s/\&(\S*)\;//g;
    $t =~ s/\<\/p\>//g;
    $t =~ s/\//\n/g;
    $t =~ s/\./\.\n/g;
    $t =~ s/Smoove B/$self/g;
    my @lines = split(/\n/, $t);
    foreach my $l (@lines) {
        $l =~ s/^\s*//;
        next if ($l eq ".");
        next if ($l eq "");
        push (@smoove_text, $l);
    }
}
my %mail = (
To      => $her_email,
From    => $email,
Subject => $subjects[rand($#subjects)],
Message => $smoove_text[rand($#smoove_text)]
             );

sendmail(%mail) || warn "$!";
[download]

Sure, its extra effort. But no effort is too much for my baby. Smoove out.