No, I don't eat ants. Perhaps if they were covered in chocolate - but then again, maybe not.

#!/usr/bin/perl -l
require 5.006;

sub AUTOLOAD { &{(map{eval"sub{$_}"}qw{bless\$zot ${+shift}.=chr(+pop^
+32) 
           ${+pop} print$^T})[index+(split /::/, $AUTOLOAD)[1], "T"]} 
+}

my $zot;
{
    my @zot = (2,97,85,84,65,82,75,2,0,78,69,0,2,97,78,84,69,65,84,69,
+82,2);
    for(tie our $zot, (); @zot && ($zot = shift @zot);) { $# = $zot }
}
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Autark - not an ant, nor an anteater.