But you do have \b and \s* in your source.. those can't be emulated in SQL. In any case, since the SQL wildcards are % and _ (corresponding to .* and ., respectively), they're easy to replace to produce Perl regex syntax. So I'd store the profanity words with SQL wildcards in the definition and then

my %rx_wild_for = ( '%' => '.*', '_' => '.' );
$profane = s/[%_]/$rx_wild_for{$1}/g;
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or something.

Makeshifts last the longest.