Respectful or not, functional code or not, you've neglected error-handling. What if $barGirl isn't interested in you? There's also the fact that you will apparently (try to) sleep with her before a single drink, since you're checking to see if she is "ugly". In fact, she is "uglyugly", so no beer for you and you start trying to sleep with her immediately!

    local @barGirl = qw/uglyugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly hot/;
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Still, it made me chuckle a little bit. "E" for "effort". :-)