<INSERT SUPERHERO MUSIC HERE/>

Class::DBI to the rescue! :-)

Seriously, though, there are a HUGE number of solutions to this problem on CPAN, most of which will actually have better performance and more features than any home-grown solution devised by a person who doesn't eat, drink, and sleep DB optimizations in Perl. I'd highly suggest look at them, especially Class::DBI which may fit your problemspace to a T.

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We are the carpenters and bricklayers of the Information Age.

The idea is a little like C++ templates, except not quite so brain-meltingly complicated. -- TheDamian, Exegesis 6

Please remember that I'm crufty and crochety. All opinions are purely mine and all code is untested, unless otherwise specified.