Certainly not golf and I don't know if it still qualifies as Perl :-)

#!/usr/bin/perl

use strict;
use warnings;
use Inline 'C';

no_throw();

__END__
__C__

int no_throw() {
    int count;

    for(count=1;count<=500;count++){
        printf("I will not throw paper airplanes in class.\n");
    }
    return 0;
}
[download]

Update: Oh, whilst putting this together I had problems (Autoload errors) using int main(void) {...}, please /msg me if you know why.

Update 2: broquaint++ for answering my question above. Inline::C's main() messes with Perl's own main(). I assumed that there was some trickery in the background to prevent that sort of thing.