I have been a perl monk for as long as I can remember.

Perl is everything to me, it's my mother, my brother, my lover, it's like an errant child, it can bring the kettle to the boil and make your ears bleed.

Perl is the water in my cup, it's the margarine in my sandwich and the cheese in my cheese toast. Perl is like a precious stone, hard. Perl is like thin people in America, elusive. Perl is like waking up in the morning, worthwhile.

Phrase most likely to be heard saying: "Shitting christ, I love perl"