My first JAPH is down where my signature is. No fancy ASCII art (other than the centering of the last line). No LZ77 decompressors, no Brainfuck or Unlambda or other 'just-barely-turing-complete' state machine interpreters; none of the tricks that are now so commonplace among the obfus. This uses a technique I don't think anyone else has used; I confess that I spent a *very* long time coming up with an acceptable string. Runs with strict; doesn't run as-is without warnings, although it can be changed to do so without changing its size. I hope you like it :)