The following is satire. I'll accept any downvotes, but I had a lot of fun writing this:

• PerlMonks: There's more than one way to do it, but they're all ugly.
• PythonMonks: There's really only one way to do it, but it'll probably throw an exception.
• JavaMonks: There's only one way to do it, but it takes too long.
• CMonks: There's a preferred, structured way to do it.
• C++Monks: There's a preferred OO way to do it, and it involves rude and obnoxious overloading of bit-shift operators.
• C#Monks: Come on... not another way to do it!
• RubyMonks: There's more than one way to do it... but we're not Perl!
• TclMonks: There's no way to do this. Someone please save me.
• AwkMonks: There's half a way to do it, but you need sed to do the rest.
• SedMonks: There's half a way to do it, and awk needs us to do the rest.
• PHPMonks: We know there's more than one way to do it, but instead we'll spend our time slandering Perl.
• shMonks: There's more than one program to call to do it.
• kornMonks: There's a way to do it without Perl! Use the Korn shell! It's the path to salvation!
• LispMonks: There's more than one way to do it (if you count all the (different) permutations (or combinations) of parentheses (the things you place around something (like this))), and we're proud (of it).
• OmniMarkMonks: OmniMark is cheaper than Perl! Use OmniMark if you want to know what your program will do in three months! (Footnote: there is a three-month waiting period to be told what any arbitrary OmniMark program does.)
• JavaScriptMonks: There's more than one way to snoop around the user's cookies. Too bad our syntax sucks.
• HTMLMonks: What? HTML's not a programming language? But this web-board was written in HTML!

Thank you. /me bows

Update: More slogans! Many of these languages can be found at Cat's Eye Technologies, and many are written by Chris Pressey.

• BrainF*ckMonks: There's probably more than one way to do it, but you will die before you finish writing it.
• BefungeMonks: There's more than one dimension to write it in.
• SMITHMonks: Alan Turing would kill us if he found out how we were doing it.
• SMETNAMonks: There's more than one way to do it, especially when you use commands that don't exist.
• MalbolgeMonks: You are going to hell no matter how you do it.

_____________________________________________________
Jeff japhy Pinyan: Perl, regex, and perl hacker.
s++=END;++y(;-P)}y js++=;shajsj<++y(p-q)}?print:??;

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