Hm. That's not a "working, cut-down version" ...

So this isn't working either, but it ought to be close once you've filled in the blanks:

#! perl -slw
use strict;
use threads;
use Threads::Queue;
use LWP::Simple;
use DBI;

sub fetchNParse {
    my( $Qin, $Qout ) = shift;
    while( my $uname = $Qin->dequeue ) {
        my $content = get $uname;
        my @bits = $content =~ m[....];
        $Qout->enqueue( join $;, $uname, @bits );
    }
    $qOut->enqueue( undef );
}

our $THREADS //= 16;

my $Qunames = new Thread::Queue;
my $Qrets   = new Thread::Queue;

threads->create( \&fetchNParse, $Qunames, $Qrets )->detach for 1 .. $T
+HREADS;
my $dbh = DBI->connect( ... );
my $unames = $dbh->selectcol_arrayref("select uname from event");

$Qunames->enqueue( @$unames );

for( 1 .. $THREADS ) {
    while( my $ret = $Qrets->dequeue ) {
        my( $uname, @bits ) = split $;, $ret.
        $dbh->do( insert stuff );
    }    
}
$dbh->disconnect;
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