Step 1. add whitespace
Step 2. change qq## to qq//
Step 3. change => operators to commas
Step 4. change commas to semicolons where applicable
Step 5. remove all of the extra 0's and 1's

#!/usr/bin/perl -w
use strict;

sub t {
  # take the list of ordinal values passed
  # and convert them to characters
  map { chr($_) } @_
}

sub l {
  # call the s subroutine passing @_
  # split the output on spaces
  # return only the first two values
  return (split' ', &s)[0,1]
}

BEGIN { # remember this executes at compile time
  $% = 2;          # set the format page number to 2
  $;[0] = 23;      # Set the first three values of @;
  $;[1] = $;[0]++; # to 24, 23, 3.  Why no warnings?
  $;[2] = 3;       # Perl creates this when it creates $;
  @; = &t(@;);     # call t(24, 23, 3), store the results in @;
  $^H ^= $%        # $^H = 1794^2 = 1792; # disable strict 'refs' 
}

$. = -${$;[1]};           # set the input line number to -$^W or -1
$! = $: =~ s/\s//g;       # $: now contains '-'
$!++;                     # $! is now 3
$? = $= / $! / ($% + $!); # $? = 60 / 3 / (2 + 3) = 4
$= /= $!;                 # $= = 60 / 3 = 20

# Take the first 4 characters of the last value returned from
# splitting $^X on \ or /, i.e. substr((split/[\/\\],$^X)[-1],0,4);
$~ = substr((split/[\/\\]/, ${$;[0]} )[$.], $[, $?); # $~ = 'perl';
@~ = split//, $~; # @~ = qw(p e r l);

$^ = qq/h$~[${$;[1]}]$~[$!]$~[$|]/; # "h$~[1]$~[3]$~[0]" or 'help'
@~ = qx/$~$"$:$:$^/; # @~ will contain the output of `perl --help`
$=++ if (@~ == 30); # if there are 30 elements, we must make $= = 21
$~ = $~[$=]; # get the $=th element of @~, should be '  -u...'
$^ = substr($~, index($~, $:) + ${$;[1]}, ${$;[1]}); # substr($~, 2+1,
+ 1) or 'u'

$@ = ::j(); # $@ will contain an object

$b = '_';

*$b = sub { # *_
  $~ = shift;
  $~->($b, @_); # &$~($b,@_);
};

goto &{$@->$^};# goto is never called, $@->$^ is the same as u()

sub s {
  # unpack the string returned by using 'u' as the template
  unpack($^, $@->_)
};

sub j {
  $a = {
    _ => '92G5S="!!;F]T:&5R(%!E<FP@2&%C:V5R"@``',
  };            # $a contains a ref to an anonymous hash with one key
  $; = sub {    # ref to an anonymous sub
    $: = shift; # get $_[0] which should be '_'
    $a->{$:};   # return the value in $$a{$:}
  };
  bless($;);    # bless the code reference into the main package
  $;;           # return the blessed code reference
}

sub u {
  # die using the output of &i
  die(&i);
}

sub v {
  # call the s subroutine passing @_
  # split the output on spaces
  # return the third and fourth values
  (split' ', &s)[2,3]
}

sub i {
  join' ',              # join on spaces
  (&l,                  # 'Just Another'
  join('',&t(@{&e})     # 'Evil'
  ), &v,                # 'Perl Hacker'
  $/)                   # "\n"
}

sub e {
  # return an anonymous array containing these values
  [69,118,105,108]
};

sub p { # fluff
  'Just'
}

sub r { # fluff
  'Hacker'
}

sub o { # fluff
  'Another'
}
[download]