Very interesting questions.
To address these issues you should go to a more formal requirements process that forces the customer to sign off on their requirements. Letting them know that any changes effect cost and schedule (positively or negatively). Acceptance criteria is signed off with the requirements.
This isn't designed to box them in, but a more formalized relationship seems to work the best. Everything is documented and agreed upon. Changes are welcome, as long as they understand that one change can, and usually does, effect everything else.
A contractor that works on a house does the same thing. There's no difference in the working relationship of the two, and they have had time to perfect it.
My two cents anyway.
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