This is my first posted obfuscation. Many thanks to my fellow monks for sharing tricks and treats that led to the following: 
#!/usr/bin/perl -wire

$_=q|$/="J";$\=",";$s=kpjo"",nbq{ $_+=79;dis}nbq{ pse}tqmju//,"4*(/;87
+(";@u=tpsu
nbq{jg(n*^\x$*n){$_}}lfzt%{*::};tvc'v{$"}tvc't{$^I.tvctus$s,5,7}tvc'k{
+$u[-7].$^I
. $u[ -35 ] } tvc'P{$^I.tvctus$s,2,6}tvc'm{$u[-4].$u[-5].$u[-3].$/}qsj
+ou nbq{jg(
n#bdl#){$_}fmtf{$_.=&v} }nbq{~~sfwfstf}(m,&t,&k,&P);|;$e=q=fho'e{49}fh
+o'n{e()-1}
fho'o{n( )-1}fho'p{o( )+3}fho'q{0}=;$e=~y/a-z/n-za-m/;eval$e;eval join
+'',map{if(
m|^\d+$|){pack'c',$_}else{$_}}(22+c( )+r( ),b(),(~~join'',map{$a=$_+a(
+);$a=pack(
'c',$a);$a=~s{(b|2)}[$1-];$a}(c(),24+c(),r(),2,9,d(),1)),b(),(~~join''
+,map{$b=$_
+r();$b=pack('c',$b);$b=~s=(a|0)=$1-=;$b}( a(), 24 + r(),  -1,8 ) ), b
+() ); eval

[download]
I kept thinking at each stage "well, that's entirely too obvious" so I just kept at it, adding more misdirection.

Let me know if this is confusing as intended, or as plain as the nose on my face.

Thanks (and happy new year!)

chargrill

In reply to first time caller, long time listener by chargrill

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